Dee Omaha Nebraska

Nearly 3 years had passed, and no sign of cancer. Until one day, when my baby brother was not quite 3 years old, my dad had a seizure in the shower. My mom got him to the hospital, and they ran some tests. It turned out that the melanoma had taken the form of 2 brain tumors. He had surgery immediately to remove them, but the doctors gave him 6 months to live. I was 18 years old, and planning my wedding. This was January of 2000.

In May, things took a turn for the worst. On my baby brother’s 3rd birthday, my mother did a horrible thing on the way to my brother’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. She was driving us there, and told me BEFORE the party that my dad was given a week to live. She then told me I needed to be strong for Sam, and not have a breakdown at his party. I lasted an hour and a half, and ended up breaking down during one of the music shows. My dad wasn’t going to make it to my wedding day. My mind was in

overdrive. I couldn’t stand being near my mother at that point so she had a friend take me home. I had a week left with my dad. That was on May 23, 2000. Two days later, my mother called. She was with my dad at the hospital. The tumors had obviously come back. They were now pressing on the part of his brain that controlled his speech.

My mom had the idea of putting on a wedding for show in my dad’s hospital room. I was angry that she wanted “a show.” My fiancé and I went to the hospital to tell my mother it wasn’t going to be for show. We were going to sign the marriage license in front of my dad so that he could go knowing I was taken care of.

Weddings are supposed to be happy, but I couldn’t be completely happy. My dad couldn’t walk or speak. He didn’t get to walk me down the aisle. He cried through the entire ceremony….which didn’t take more than 30 minutes. It was a simple wedding. Just a few friends and a pastor. I could barely take my eyes off of my dad. I was sad that I didn’t get my father-daughter dance, but we listened to our song…Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. I squeezed myself up on the bed hugging my dad through the entire song as we both cried. That was May 25, 2000.

Two days later, he had no memory of the wedding. That hurt me so much that the memory had already been taken from him. He was deathly skinny. The next day, he fell asleep, never to wake again, but was still breathing. This was May 28th. My husband and I took time off of work to be with my dad. The night he finally took his last breath, I swear an angel spoke to me. Anyone reading this can think I’m mental, but I heard a voice clear as day tell me, “don’t be alarmed, we’re going to take your father very soon.” I never said anything to anyone about the voice I heard. I knew he

was going to be with God soon. My husband had an uneasy feeling, and wanted to leave, but I told him I needed to stay, and that I knew my dad wouldn’t be with us much longer. 15 minutes later at 10:30pm on May 30, 2000…..my dad took his last breath. Everyone was crying except me. I take longer to process those feelings.

Cancer undeniably effects not just the person who has it, but those that are close to them. Watching my dad wither away was one of the most difficult things I have had to experience. So, when it comes to skin cancer, here’s my advice: don’t go shirtless like my dad did for years. Eat as healthy as possible. Stay away from gmo foods because that food can cause cancer. Wear sunscreen. Wear a hat. Don’t be out in the sun for hours on end. The wind can even cause a sunburn, so wear sunscreen on windy days too! And if you know someone with cancer, hold them tightly because every breath we take is a gift.

It didn’t really set in that he was gone until 2 days later at his memorial service. I didn’t cry until my best friend walked into the church bawling like a baby, and then BOOM….a huge wave of emotion came over me, and wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t even sing the song I was supposed to sing because I couldn’t stop crying. I miss my dad every day, but I know we will meet again someday.

R.I.P. Dad(Jan. 20, 1949-May 30, 2000)

Geoff came from an affluent family, I came from a strict Christian upbringing, my dad was the Pastor of our church. I was the preachers daughter. Geoff would take me our to nice restaurants that I had never been to before, he would say it was OK to bring my kids if I couldn’t find a babysitter. He wanted me to move in with him right away, but he lived with his mom. The house was big enough for us all, so I said ok. Only then did I learn what a huge mistake I had made. A life changing mistake.  As soon as I moved in, with my kids, he started trying to change my parenting. Where I would hold my daughter when she cried, he would tell me I needed to let her cry it out. When it was just my kids and I , if they came into my room to crawl into my bed with me in the middle of the night, I would allow them, but he put an end to that. It broke my heart to hear my kids cry for me, but he convinced me, that it was good for them. He bought them things, and me lots of things, my kids seemed happy during the day when we would go on day trips or shopping, so I put it out of my mind. But I was noticing how he was very controlling. I wanted to get a job, he said it wasn’t necessary, if my family called and I made plans to see them, he would always say he always had plans for us that day so I would have to cancel them. Then…….we moved out from his mom’s house. He had is own business….a landscaping business, I soon learned that he had tax problems, and asked if we could put the business in my name, he said it was no big deal, we would just get a better loan, better insurance rates…etc.  I was all for it. Ha! Soon, he was not coming home at night, when he did come home, I would ask him where he was, saying I was worried sick, calling his family, the hospitals….etc. he was high. He was furious for me asking. He told me it was none of my business. Soon this became so regular. That I didn’t care where he was, he wasn’t giving me money for the food and bills that he said was my job to take care of, I had to go to food banks….but I didn’t have a car because he would take it, and when he did bring it home it was always on e. I would find hotel room keys in his wallet. He would always tell me how stupid I was. “SONYA YOUR SO FUCKING STUPID” while he would smirk and shake his head. One time I was trying to get my purse away from him because he knew I got child support that day, he hit me so hard in my head that I was unconscious.  I woke to my kids crying, and my purse gone. I knew I had to get out. I had absolutely no money. He took it all. I had two precious babies who needed me to get back up. My landlord knew of my financial struggle with Geoff. He offered me a job in Alaska.  He said, it will help you get away, you won’t have to pay for a thing. So we did it.

In October 2015 I lost a very dear friend of mine to cancer.  I had no idea that he had it, but it explained everything we went through 18 months before.  He was a strong minded, opinionated individual who didn’t care what anyone thought of him.  He truly lived his life the way he wanted to.  In 2013 we met at a discussion group and we had become very good friends.  It didn’t meet without a lot of push/pull.  We would get close, then pull back.  We both did it, but I couldn’t understand why.  It was because of cancer.  I learned he knew for a long time that he had the disease.  Cancer separated him from his child and his brothers.  Cancer caused him to push me away.

> In 2007, I watched my mother deteriorate daily from pancreatic cancer.  Day by day I watched her get worse and worse.  On March 23, 2007 at 435pm she took her last breath.  It was the absolute worst thing I’ve ever witnessed.  Cancer took her away.  Cancer made me feel alone. Cancer pit our family members against one another.

> Cancer causes pain in its victim, and probably even more pain in its victim’s loved ones.  I didn’t have cancer, but it still ravaged my life.  I can only imagine what it’s done to other people’s lives.  They claim there is no cure for this debilitating disease.  I hate it.  I hate what it has done to the people I love.  I hate what it’s done to my life.  How do we get this evil out of the world?  Cancer needs to be obliterated.

It’s called A Battered Woman’s Plea
Through the hurt and the pain, please hear my plea
Battered and broken, God please set me free
My bones may heal, my heart will I mend.
But will the nightmares ever end?
I want to scream. I want to cry.
But most of all I wish he would die
I’m feeling so lost, and all alone
But at least now, my life is my own.
Now that this chapter in my life is through,
I have one thing left to say…………. F*** YOU!